I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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