I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
