Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize