A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
