Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
