Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think people are normalizing furries
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
