I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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