the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
