i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
