why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
