areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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