Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
