yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
