so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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