yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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