My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
