Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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