I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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