I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
