Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
