She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
