i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
