dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
