and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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