Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
