We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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