i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
