I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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