It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
