And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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