Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
