do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize