i love accidental penises.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
two words: eviction party
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
