I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
