I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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