I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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