bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
