I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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