My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
