We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
