i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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