I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
