The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
