Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
