Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
