Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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