she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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