theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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