I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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