my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
