I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
