If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
