alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
