I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize