I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Houston, we have a blender
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize