at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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