Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
