HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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