Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize