He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
