I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
