when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
