He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
