I cockslap morals
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
