I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
