He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
