i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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