Apparently you make a good broom.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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