hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
