Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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