is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I intend to get homeless drunk
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
