In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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