i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
