just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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