We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
