its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize